Satire by John W. Lillpop
August 4, 1961. Shall this date live in infamy along with December 7, 1941 and September 11, 2001?
Or should America be celebrating the birth of Barack Hussein Obama with the same gusto, reverence, and passion reserved for Christmas?
Do we Americans need a new national holiday–Barackmas–to celebrate this most special birthday?
Under this tax and deficit neutral scheme, everyone would get August 4th off. A small $500 “gratitude fee” would collected by the IRS to pay for the frolicking.
If all of this sounds far fetched, please consider the following scrolls found in Mohamed Attah’s safe deposit box at the Bank of Baghdad:
And He Shall Be Called Barack, The Anointed One:
“And it came to pass, in the appointed time, that a child was born unto a humble servant of Allah in a land called Kenya. And the assembled 72 virgin angels tended to the mother and child, and sang in unison in praise of Allah for blessing the Faithful with this most holy of beings.
“And the virgin angels saith unto his mother, “Take ye this new born, the most favored of Allah, to an island where trade winds blow and birth certificates are readily forged.
“He shall be called Barack, which means the Anointed One, and his birthplace shall be recorded as Honolulu, Hawaii to protect Faithful Kenyans from the ravages of evil crusaders, who will be known as “birthers.”
“His powers shall be great and he shall be called upon to deliver the Faithful from the ravages of a dyslexic cowboy from Texas who destroyed many Muslims in order to shield Zionist pigs from justice.
“That evil man is the anti-Allah who hides behind a Bush to escape exposure. He must be blamed for all manner of sin and Barack must be held blameless for all woes to visit America, the home of the unfaithful and the land of the fraud.”
“The Anointed One shall bring with him a sword with which to slay the moguls of capitalism and free the unwashed masses from insurance companies, Wall Street tycoons, automobile corporations and other agents of tyranny, except for labor unions which shall be rewarded and encouraged to multiple in great numbers, Allah willing.
“His enemies will be many and powerful, but none shall prevail because the Anointed One shall own a huge inventory of Executive Orders which can be used to subvert the will of infidels in the US Senate and US House, Allah willing.
“The Anointed One shall reign over America for eight years, or until the US Treasury runs out of money, whichever comes first.
“Go ye, therefore, two by two and preach the Gospel of Barack near and far to all who would hear you. To those who would not abide you, shake the dust from your feet and report the incident to the nearest ACORN center.
“Declare the good news to all, being this: On this night in a lonely mud hut in Kenya, Allah delivered unto us a child to rebuke all that malarkey about a baby Jew birthed by a virgin come to save the world.”
And his name shall be BARACK, and he shall be Allah’s gift to the Faithful.