Andrew Cuomo Waxes Eloquent on Progressive Ideals!

 

Satire by John W. Lillpop

As widely reported throughout the media, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo said in a radio interview that if “extreme conservatives” are “right-to-life, pro-assault-weapon, anti-gay,” then “they have no place in the state of New York, because that’s not who New Yorkers are.

No place in New York for those who support the right to life for all, including the unborn, the 2nd Amendment, and traditional marriage?

Just what sort of hallucinatory agent is Governor Cuomo  ingesting?  Perhaps a call to the lawyer and psychiatric doctor of fellow New Yorker Alex Rodriquez is indicated?

Even more distressing than the Cuomo oral version of Mein Kampfare the Governor’s secret plans for administering tests to determine voter eligibility based on thought and belief analysis,  especially in mostly Republican neighborhoods and suburbs.

This simple, yet scientific, test has been programmed to evaluate one’s “right- wing extremist” quotient, and would be used to cull out undesirables from the New York voter rolls.

The test:

1. Abortion

A. Roe V. Wade, one of America’s great founding fathers, authored Amendment No. 16 to the U.S. Constitution which guarantees women the right to privacy while undergoing an abortion.

In what year was Amendment 16 added to the Bill of Rights?

( ) 1792
( ) 1812
( ) Still being filibustered in the U.S. Senate

B. Abortions should be:

( ) Mandatory for unmarried women under 30.
( ) A real no-no after an expectant mother has started to labor, unless the attending physician can guarantee that law enforcement authorities will not be notified.
( ) Funded by eliminating the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy.

2. Global War on Terror

A. The war on terror is:

( ) Based on outright lies and exaggerations left over from the Bush administration, and, as such, criminal in nature.
( ) Over, kaput. The terrorists have won—America should surrender immediately.
( ) Less dangerous to the general population than the Catholic Church

3. Taxes

High taxes:

( ) Stimulate economic growth and create millions of secure, high paying government jobs.
( ) Are needed to keep overachievers humble.
( ) Should be paid by any family with an annual income in excess of $7,450.

4. Energy and Dependence on Foreign Oil

A. Drilling for new oil reserves in America is:

( ) Prohibited by the U.S. Constitution.
( ) Sure to irritate Iran’s president and other Islamic business leaders that Obama should be working with, rather than against.
( ) Unnecessary if automobiles are outlawed.

B. Adding additional refining capacity would:

( ) Increase demand, thereby causing more global warming.
( ) Be more immoral than slavery.
( ) Be fine if built in blue states by brown illegal aliens.
( ) Not be OK because the land is urgently needed for illegal aliens moving here from Mexico.

C. The best option for dealing with the high cost of gasoline is to:

( ) Ignore it. Americans drive too much as it is.
( ) Raise gasoline taxes $4.50 per gallon to reduce demand.
( ) Cut off supplies to Red states.
( ) Require each Mexican illegal alien to smuggle in five gallons of gas per month as a condition of amnesty.

5. Illegal immigration

A. Illegal immigration is:

( ) Desperately needed by liberals in order to win elections.
( ) A misnomer. They are actually undocumented Democrats!
( ) Mexico’s chief export.
( ) Not a threat to U.S. homeland security. Why would Mexican peasants destroy the land of free rice and tacos?

B. Border security should be:

( ) Ignored, because we need cheap lettuce.
( ) Ignored, because we need cheap lettuce and more Democrats.
( ) Turned over to La Rezaq in the name of diversity.
( ) Used to keep Mexican conservatives out of the United States.

C. The proposed fence between the United States and Mexico is:

( ) A terrific idea, if built by firms owned by women and minorities.
( ) Unconstitutional. It discriminates against Mexicans too fat to climb over a fence.
( ) “Pork” in Red States, but economic necessity in blue states.

D. Obama’s proposed amnesty:

( ) Is illegal if it prevents Mexicans from collecting welfare.
( ) Will work if guest workers are required to join a labor union.
( ) Should include free health care, driver’s licenses, college degrees, and interest-free mortgages for illegal aliens.

E. Spanish versus English: Mexican illegal immigrants should:

( ) Be prevented from learning English because the Democrats have printed 30 million ballots in Spanish for the 2016 election.
( ) Be kept English-illiterate to avoid exposure to GOP lies and propaganda.
( ) Be taught vital English words and phrases like welfare, food stamps, ACLU, racism, class-action lawsuit, Vote Democrat, six-pack, etc.

F. Janet Napolitano, former Head of Homeland Security

( ) Was for Illegal Immigration before she was against it.
( ) Was a “stealth” candidate in Mexico’s presidential election two years ago.
( ) Thinks ”Minutemen” is a reference to the sexual staying power of Border Patrol agents.

6. Using Liberalism to Understand Islam

A. Ramadan:

( ) Was an Islamic religious ritual thousands of years before being commercialized as a national hotel chain—Ramada Inn—by greedy American capitalists.
( ) Is not covered by the constitutional separation of church and state because our founding fathers were all Christian Caucasians—AKA infidels.
( ) Should be observed by non-Muslims, especially obese Americans who need daily fasting just before pigging out at Thanksgiving and Christmas.
( ) Should be a paid, month-long national holiday for union labor and all Democrat operatives with proven liberal credentials.

B. The Koran:

( ) Specifically identifies G.W. Bush as an alcoholic dyslexic and the anti-Allah.
( ) Is available on CD at Democratic National Committee headquarters.
( ) Should be required reading in K-12 to promote religious diversity and sensitivity, and to offset Judeo-Christian propaganda in the Bible.
( ) Calls for Iran and Syria to join forces in combating America

C. Mosques:

( ) Are spiritual sanctuaries reserved for holy communion with Allah, except when being used to plan nuclear attacks on the United States or Israel.
( ) Are managed by skilled curators who are experts in certifying Islamic axes for beheading infidels.
( ) Must never be used to store weapons or ammunition except during time of war. Because of infidels, Islam has always been, and will always be, at war.
( ) Must be attended for Friday prayer, except for the faithful who attend mosques destroyed by suicide bombers. (Notice: No fair blowing up a mosque just to get out of Friday prayer!)

D. The practice of rewarding martyrs with 72 virgins:

( ) Makes far more sense that the Christian myth about a virgin giving birth to a Jew who had come to save the world.
( ) Assures that Allah will always have a large contingent of dedicated, virile young men eager to give their very lives for the righteous cause of Islam.
( ) Proves that Christians who promote abstinence are extremists who do not understand spirituality in this life nor the one to follow!
( ) Is proof that welfare reform without a commitment to government- sponsored vocational training is a failed Republican idea.

There you go!  Some practical ideas from the Governor of New York on how to make tolerance even more intolerable!

 

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About voiceoflillpop

RECOVERING LIBERAL
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